


The feral Buttercup

by LadyAhiru



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: 800ish years after Canon, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bite Kink, Breaking and Entering, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration in One Hole, Established Relationship, Half Elf Jaskier, Idiots in Love, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Pseudo Mating Marks, Semi-Public Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, Topping from the Bottom, Voyeurism, Witchers are known, be gay do crime, non human jaskier, slight blood kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAhiru/pseuds/LadyAhiru
Summary: There is not much that Aiden and Lambert would not do to keep their bard happy, including breaking into the Louvre and defiling a certain Painting.
Relationships: Aiden/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Jaskier | Dandelion/Lambert, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Jaskier | Dandelion/Lambert
Comments: 31
Kudos: 102





	1. This is so stupid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [norules](https://archiveofourown.org/users/norules/gifts).



> Huge shoutout to my Editor TayTay0403! (Give them a shoutout on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TatumJahnke)  
> you can find me here: https://twitter.com/LadyAhiru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lambert follows a stupid idea

“This is stupid,” Lambert said for what felt like the tenth time this evening. Decked out in all shades of dark grey and black, he took out his lockpicks and made sure that nobody was around. 

“This is so fucking stupid.”

Regardless of the stupidity of the plan, he was well aware that he was very much into it, even if it was stupid and reckless. Fuck that,  _ especially _ since it was stupid and reckless.

_ //It had all started a few weeks ago. He’d had one of those truly happy moments where he had felt an almost out-of-body experience. He was looking down at his own naked form lying on the large canopy bed, the naked and sweat-covered bodies of his lovers to both of his sides, soft hands playing with the hair on his chest. _

_ Jaskier had only permanently joined his and Aiden’s relationship a few months prior. Things were still new and exciting, but also sometimes rippling with nervousness. Lambert couldn’t believe how lucky he was, and he had turned to Jaskier to tell him this before suddenly seeing an unhappy expression on the singer’s face. Aiden had noticed it as well, reaching out for the young Half-Elf.  _

_ “Jask? Was it not satisfying for you? You are making the same face that Eskel made when we told him about the Goat incident of 1986.” _

_ Jaskier snorted and then shook his head. “No, gods above, no. You two have worn me out in the most delicious and satisfying way. It’s just that… that monstrosity!” He gestured to the TV that had still been running muted in the background, where the news had just reported on the new Witcher Wing that was supposed to open at the Louvre in the upcoming week.  _

_ “Oh… is it bothering you, little flower?” Aiden reached to take Jaskier’s hand and pressed it against Lambert’s chest, who had  _ _ placed _ _ a kiss onto the youngest man’s forehead.  _

_ “I was actually excited for it. That you would get recognition for all the good deeds you did over the centuries. And see all our old stuff, but…” _

_ He sat up  _ _ suddenly _ _ and made the sourest face. “But they are gonna feature that dreadful painting?”  _

_ Blinking, Lambert and Aiden had exchanged an amused look.  _

_ “What painting, Jaskier?” _

_ “ _ That _ one!”  _

_ He gestured back to the TV where they showed an old painting of Jaskier himself. In it, he was heroically driving a two-handed sword into the corpse of a wyvern while wearing something that, even at the time, was of questionable fashion.  _

_ “Look at me! The hair!! The fucking  _ beard _! The  _ tights _! What the  _ fuck _ was I thinking? How the  _ fuck _ did I ever get laid back then? Why did Geralt never say anything!?” _

_ Fighting hard to suppress their laughter, both Aiden and Lambert pulled Jaskier in between them, half-nesting on both their laps.  _

_ “Oh, you poor boy.” _

_ “Fuck you, Lambert.” _

_ Laughing, the eldest man  _ _ softly nipped at _ _ Jaskier's shoulder and swatted his ass playfully.  _

_ “Again?” _

_ Snorting, Jaskier shook his head,  _ _ brushing _ _ a hand through his hair.  _

_ “I just wish someone would break into the Louvre and defile it.” _

_ Aiden raised a perfect eyebrow in question. “Defile it how?” _

_ “Spill Wine over it, or piss on it or…Ohhh, cover it in cum!” _

_ Laughing, Aiden and Lambert shook their heads, not realizing yet that if the bard wanted something, he would get it.  _ _ Every. Damn. Fucking. Time. _ _ // _

Now, two Witchers and a giddy bard had put on their best stealth gear and were in the middle of a break in. 

“This is so stupid,” Lambert repeated.

“Yes love, we heard you the first dozen times, nonetheless, we're gonna do it. Just imagine how good our Flower will look naked against that painting.”

Aiden whispered softly so that only Lambert could hear his reply while Jaskier hummed quietly, expected to look out for the next guard circling back. 

The former Cat Witcher had already hacked the alarm, making sure to reroute the cameras to trigger a loop, and had gotten them into the side entrance that used an electronic keypad. 

Ever since the first computers had become available Aiden had  become obsessed with them, learning and using his knowledge to help people. Most of the time, even legally. 

Lambert, on the other hand, was still a very hands-on man. He had opened a  blacksmith and woodworking shop, and thanks to the current trends, he was making more money than ever. Which was why he was the one that used the actual lockpicks on the old iron lock and not Aiden. They complimented each other perfectly and Jaskier was the  frosting on their cake. 

Unsurprisingly, the musician was still making music. He loved how modern media let him be successful under a new name “The Feral Buttercup” while not showing his actual face and enjoying a normal life,  though still living in luxury. 

Everyone assumed the singer's name was a reference to the Powerpuff Girls, but everyone who knew Jaskier in real life knew better. 

Lambert huffed as the lock sprung open and he ushered his two giggling idiots further into the building. The next two doors were also easily opened, and finally, they stood in the new Witcher Wing. 

“Oh wow, look at that Statue of Yen! Look how buff she is! She’s gonna love that!” 

Nodding along to Jaskiers statement, they allowed the bard to take a picture before moving on further, taking their time to actually look at the exhibition. Thanks to Aiden’s work,  they would (or at least should) have hours in peace. 

“Lambert, look, they have your medallion!” Aiden pointed excitedly at a frame.

“How do you know it's mine? Could be Geralt’s, or Esk’s, or… Ah, no, yeah, that’s mine.”

Smiling, he looked at the old spiked Wolf head. Two of the spikes had broken down on the left side. 

Jaskier smiled at both of his partners. “That’s the old design, yes? Before you went for the flat ones? How did it break?”

Smirking Aiden lifted his shirt revealing his abdomen and a two-pointed small scar next to his navel.

“Nooooo!”  Jaskier exclaimed in disbelief.

Laughing, Aiden nodded. “Yes, I’ll tell you about it at home, but yes it’s the reason they switched to the flat ones.”

Smiling softly, Jaskier kissed the younger Witcher before looking expectantly at Lambert to get a kiss from him as well. He loved that Aiden referred to his large apartment as home. Ever since they all had gotten together, they had spent more and more time at Jaskier’s place and the singer was aware that both of his Witchers were in the middle of moving in sneakily. 

“So… where is… ?” Aiden looked around for Jaskier’s painting.

“Paintings are over there, Kitten. Come on, Flower.”

Smirking at each other, Aiden and Jaskier responded to their nicknames and followed closely after Lambert, who commented on the way about some of the things that were displayed in the museum. 

“Pfft, that is not my sword, that’s Letho’s…. yeah, no, I think they have that date wrong… uh… Imma take that.” The Wolf Witcher reached for a small trinket. 

Finally, they arrived at the painting, and both Lambert and Aiden worked together to take the frame from the wall and put it on the floor.

“Melitele's tits Jask, that thing is huge.”

“Thank you darling, I thought you had noticed that when I pushed it down your throat last night.”

“Idiot.” Lambert snorted as Jaskier was in the middle of walking all over the painting and spitting on it.

“Look at this shit. Tell me I am way prettier in real life!”

Aiden hugged Jaskier from behind, taking his chin into his hand and turning his face so he could look at him, dragging the bards bottom lip between his own and biting down. “So much prettier.” 

Lambert kicked off his shoes, trousers, and underwear while leaving his shirt and socks on, taking a seat on top of the painting that now laid flat on the floor. He sat right next to Jaskier’s painted head while the real Jaskier and Aiden stood at the head of the painted Wyvern. 

Watching them, Lambert slowly started to stroke his own cock, not taking his eyes off of his lovers. He could not wait for them to get started, as he greatly enjoyed watching them together. Aiden’s hand wrapped around both of Jaskier’s elbows and pulled his arms up and behind him, stretched over their heads. Biting down into the bard’s neck, he whispers a soft “hold them there,” before pushing Jaskier’s sweater up over his arms and head, throwing it next to the pile of clothing that Lambert had already left. 

With a heavy sigh, Jaskier let his head fall back and rest against Aiden’s shoulder. He enjoyed switching it up during sex, and he liked it when Aiden was dominant with him, or when he in turn dominated Lambert who was the most submissive out of all of them. When they had first asked Jaskier out to be more than just a casual bed partner, both Witchers made sure to have a long and detailed talk with him about what they wanted and needed from another partner and to see if their interests aligned. 

Now he stood there, arms held up high, back arched, his legs spread wide so Aiden could unbuckle his trousers. While he watched Lambert slowly start to stroke himself, he knew he had never made a better decision.


	2. Three Idiots and a Painting

Aiden’s eager hands started to slowly roam over the bard’s chest, tugging playfully at his chest hair. Jaskiers breath hitched in his throat and he started to shiver as his lover put his nipples between his thumbs and pointer finger and twisted the nubs between them until they had hardened under his touch.

Both Lambert and Jaskier let out a hissing huff of breath as Aiden’s other hand wrapped around Jaskier throat and pulled him almost hurtfully back. Chuckling softly Aiden kept teasing Jaskier hard nipples when his eyes met Lambert's hot gaze.

“Oh, what do you think you are doing over there, Lambert? Did we give you permission to touch yourself?” As soon as Aiden was finished Jaskier tilted his head to also look at Lambert, ticking his tongue in displeasure. “Bad puppy…come here.”

Softly painting Lambert crawled over to his lovers and kneeled in front of Jaskier, hands crossed behind his back in a very behaved way. Aiden’s green eyes gazed down at him and turned softer. “Such a good eager boy, why don’t you give him a treat Jask.”

Nodding the singer brought his hands down and unbuttoned his pants, kicking them off and pushing his hard cock into Lamberts already wide-open mouth.

Closing his eyes, the oldest of the three let the heavy feel of Jaskiers cock on his tongue wash over him as he slowly started to lick sloppy wet twirls around the sensitive head.

“Ghn. Lambert…oh….” Jaskier let his mouth fall open to pant which was immediately used as an opportunity by Aiden to push three long fingers between his pink lips. Almost chocking, the singer pushed his hips forward, fucking hard and fast into Lambert's mouth while drool gathered around Aiden’s slightly trembling fingers. Lambert was struggling to keep on his knees, the hands behind his back straining and shaking and he let Jaskier cock drop out of his mouth to catch his breath.

Two pairs of eyes gazed down upon him and before he could react Aiden had released his hold on Jaskier and both his lovers had dropped down and pinned Lambert on top of the painting. Any leftover clothing was disregarded in a quick second before Lambert was kissed long and hard by both of his lovers.

Three-way kisses were always messy and spit got everywhere but none of them seemed to mind. Smiling Lambert let his head fall down against the painting as Jaskier climbed over him, straddling him and reaching between his own legs and grunting as he pulled the black plug out, he had been wearing. “Fuck songbird, when did you….?”

Chuckling Jaskier grabbed Lamberts cock and let himself sunk down on it, making them both draw in sharp gaps of breath. “Wanted to be prepared….”

Panting hard Lambert let Jaskier set the rhythm, not daring to move his hips by himself when he could see Aiden pushing his chest against Jaskiers back and then a finger was pressed along side Lamberts cock into Jaskier whole, spreading and wiggling.

“Aiden!” Jaskier threw his head back against the younger Witchers head as a second finger pushed inside of him. “Mhm.” Sweat dripped down their bodies as Aiden licked a long stripe at Jaskier neck. “Think you can take us both Jask?”

“Fuck…yeah…I…. let’s try.”

Lambert swallowed hard as Aiden gestured for him to sit up and both Witchers grabbed Jaskiers butt and thighs and lifted him carefully up so that Lambert would not slip out of him but Aiden’s cock could also find its way inside his tight hole.

Whining loudly Jaskier clawed his fingernails into Lambert's shoulder, seeking to have something to hold onto as Aiden’s cock buried itself next to Lamberts inside of him. “Wait! Wait...”

Both Jaskiers lovers immediately did as he said and stopped moving, giving him some time to adjust and breath. Smiling Jaskier leaned forward to sloppily kiss Lambert who wrapped his arms around both Jaskier and Aiden, gently stroking the hair on the younger Witchers neck.

“Okay…okay…yeah move…slowly.”

Lambert let the Cat Witcher dictate the pace and followed his lead, grunting between pressed teeth to not cry out in pleasure, but when Aiden leaned in to kiss him right next to Jaskiers face a low moan escaped his mouth.

“Fuck…oh yes! YES!” Hissing Jaskier moved with the rhythm of his lovers, feeling his own orgasm approach quickly as both Lambert and Aiden wrapped one hand around his pulsing cock and tugged hard. “Shit. Ohhhhh fuck. Meliteles twisted knickers!” Grinning both Lambert and Aiden leaned in and bit down into both of Jaskiers shoulders and neck area in a mock version of an animal mating bite and hard enough to draw slight blood.

Moaning loud and his breathing coming hitched and ragged Jaskier was the first to reach his peak, realising hot seed all over Lambert's chest and the ratchet painting. Both Witchers made sure to carefully lick over Jaskiers wounds and it took not long for both of them to find their own release, too much adrenalin surging threw their veins.

Jaskier sobbed slightly when they pulled out, leaking semen onto the painting, his legs shaking. Thankfully he had two strong Witchers to hold and caress him, showering him in soft kisses and whispering words of affection and even love.

“Mhm…did you enjoy yourself little songbird?”

Grinning the singer nodded. “Yes….you? Kitten? Wolf?”  
Huffing a grunt Lambert nodded and licked at Jaskiers neck, while Aiden had moved around so he could hug both of hi lovers and pet Lamberts hair.

“Mhm yes….”

They took another five minutes to just sit in the mess they made before slowly getting up and dressed again while taking small breaks for more kisses and silent giggles. When they were ready to leave Aiden pulled a vial out of his backpack and dripped the liquid all over their body fluids on the painting.

Walking back to the car the all held hands, with Jaskier in the middle, happily humming.

The next day was their weekly family lunch which was always held at Vesemirs house. The old Witcher was not as mobile anymore so they always met here and while he watched the noon news in the living room the boys cooked in the open kitchen, listening to the TV in the background.

Geralt and Eskel were on chopping duty which as usual took forever since they stopped to flirt with each other making Lambert roll his eyes. Jaskier was on spice duty, having the best palette out of the bunch and Aiden helped peel the potatoes while Lambert was next to Vesemir, sipping on tea. He was not directly allowed in the kitchen since he managed to burn it down twice.

Yawning Vesemir smiled at his boys, fulfilled that they were all happy now and even his youngest, the troublemaker and problem child Lambert had calmed down over the years and found happiness.

“We interrupt our normally scheduled program to sadly inform you that the much-awaited Witcher exhibit will not open this weekend. Sadly, someone broke into the Louvre last night and….” The person on the screen looked pale and disgusted. “…there have been found traces of three different types of semen and blood. The culprits did use a magical concoction so sadly any DNA Testing was in vain. Thankfully only exhibition piece was destroyed, but clean-up will take the rest of the week so that the opening is pushed back by two days. The piece was an amazing original painting by an unknown artist of the famous poet Dandelion who is still making folk music today! ” The Screen showed an image of Jaskiers painting while the reporter recaptured some of Jaskiers pasts deeds.

Vesemir slowly turned to Lambert who suddenly was very interested in his teacup while Eskel and Geralt both intensely gazed at Aiden and Jaskier who tried to whistle while simultaneously laughing.

“Jaskier!” Geralt pushed a hand onto his hip.

“Lambert!” Vesemir swatted his youngest son with his newspaper.

“Aiden!?” Eskel raised an eyebrow at the cat.

Three pairs of shoulders shrugged in unison as Jaskier started to hysterically laugh.

The rest of the day was spent with a refresher course in etiquette as Vesemir called in and the three culprits on dish duty for the next two months. Jaskier thought that it had been worth it though, not only had that awful painting been destroyed he had also had a very memorable night with his lovers. Smiling he already planned what mischief to do next with them.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first threesome I have ever written! Be gentle in the comments!


End file.
